where did i lose myself?

I was stood in the middle of my work, shouting at two people, i had a surreal moment. It was as if i could see myself from a third person view. I saw myself waving my hands, pointing, getting irrate and felt this overwhelming surge of sadness.


In any case i am totally validated in being angry but as i was getting more angry, i was feeling sad as well. Where did this screaming woman come from? When did i lose sight of being calm and cool? When did i lose myself?

My parents are always good at reminising and in these stories im always stunned on how they used to describe me when i was younger. I was so easily calmed with a slice of strawberry pie, i looked forward to lazying around in the local embassy suite lobby and watching koi, and waking up on a saturday morning listening to my mom playing music was the best...
When i was about 5 and in kindergarden, i had a schoolfriend that lived with her grandmother and used to wear the same clothing constantly. I was caught one morning, hiding extra clothing in my backpack to take to her because i wanted to give her them.
I vaguely remember playing in the bedroom with Robert, watching after him when i could.
When Andrew fell off the jungle gym and broke his arm, i was the first one there trying to calm him before the teachers came.
When Roberto had a freak accident with a pencil that ended up going THROUGH his hand, I was the only student in the room to believe him and MAKE the teacher see him.

Now i don't feel the same sympathy OR empathy for anyone. I go on daily, thinking the people around me should be euthanised. I select only a few people that i can talk to...
But when did i lose that caring side? Where did it go all wrong?

I suppose i should try to be content with how i am now, but it still saddens me.

I, in general, hate people... but i wish i could see the beauty in humanity.

Basic Information ALL women should know...

1. waxing is painful. period.
   i hate watching these adverts that say "its all natural" so its virtually painless. VIRTUALLY PAINLESS is a hint for this hurts but we dont want to say. You should only wax if you're desperate or lucky to have a high tolerance for pain...
   Bottom line: Unless you're numb or dead, it still hurts!
   
   
2. leggings are exactly that: LEGGINGS.
   working in fashion you notice what people wear, ALOT. Even what you were to your store shows some sort of style however there is one "fashion staple" that has been dug up from the closet and is now rampant on our streets: leggings.
   they're a good idea in theory. something light that you can wear under long tops or dresses that arent tights. Some people look better in them than others (like most fashion) but alot of people i see just dont get the POINT of leggings.
   THESE ARE NOT TROUSERS PEOPLE!!! the amount of people i see wearing them as a subsitute for trousers or jeans. They're partially see through and quite unflattering.
   
   
3. stool softner: NOT table talk
   Despite all the adverts, no group of women gather for lunch and end up swapping medications. They dont chat about how hard it is to pass anything, or whats cramping lately. Its just not what happens. EVER.
   
   More to come :)
   

I am BACK peoples :)

So after many life changes and a long absence, im BAAAAAAAAAACK!

Updates:
I've got a promotion at work - Full time at a different store!
We're planning next years holiday :) October 2011 *woop woop*
AND im joining Slimming world soon...

More updates soon <3